Procrastination In Progress

I was having such a great week. My break went fantastic, and the only thing that broke up my happiness was stress and the frustration that comes with it. No angst, depression, or anything. Now I’m back at school, and my sister is here. I love having her here, so I shouldn’t be so focused on how one person mistreats me, right? Right? But I am. This person is nicer to my sister, whom they’ve known for less than a day, than they are to me. It’s not fair. It’s not right. I’m not used to people not liking me….I was homeschooled, and most of the people I met seemed to at least like me well enough…now I’m doubting everything. I broke up with Ryan, and now I’m so terribly lonely. I feel like there isn’t anyone who cares. I know I tend to make all inclusive statements, so when one person acts like I should  be somewhere else, I feel like everyone wants me somewhere else, you know? *sigh*

I’m so glad no one reads this. (While at the same time I wish someone cared enough) Lord sustain me! 

“Do not fear; I will sustain you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

I’m tired all the time. I don’t know if I’m not getting enough protein, but even if not, it’s only part of it. The fatigue is soul-deep. I put on a brave face and smile, I pray and pray, but I still feel empty. 

Don’t misunderstand me. I had a good day yesterday…until I got to my room and started over-thinking things. I do feel happy sometimes, but either it doesn’t last long, or it doesn’t go all the way through.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m complaining to myself. Tired of looking like I’m seeking attention. I just want some relief here. I am constantly on the verge of telling my friends: “I’m oversensitive; be careful.” But that sounds like I’m an attention whore and like I’m just being dramatic.

I don’t want to pretend anymore.

Yesterday was the first time in several days that I hadn’t felt one bit depressed. Maybe it’ll stay that way for a few more days.